If Edwina had chosen to
study in Belgium rather than in Nottingham, UK, she might never have met Alec, a considerate
gentleman. Likewise, if Alec had chosen to work in London, not Nottingham, he
might not have had an opportunity to meet Edwina, a compassionate lady. If I hadn’t
been stuck in the UK for five weeks due to the ridiculous quarantine policy in Hong Kong and hadn’t
had the opportunity to discuss marriage with them, Edwina and Alec might still
be at the stage of just talking about marriage. All these “ifs” work
mysteriously, and finally they bring Edwina and Alec together. Today we are
here to witness their wedding.
We often think of “ifs” in relation to the
past possibilities or lack of satisfaction with our lives. For instance, if I had
accepted the offer of company B, I would have had a better income, job security
and career prospects than I have now. Or if we had chosen to get married a week
earlier, we would have enjoyed sunny and warm weather. But there’s a Chinese saying, “If the “ifs” could
be realized, there wouldn’t be any beggars.” This saying reminds us not to spend
too much time thinking about past possibilities. It’s often difficult to stop,
not only because there are always frustrations in life, but also because we
would not be satisfied with what we are. What does marriage tell us about the “ifs”?
Marriage provides you with a lens to
appreciate the “ifs” in your life. Why Alec? Why Edwina? You may have a hundred
reasons. There is a well-known saying, “Beauty is in the eye of beholder”. Why
Alec? Why Edwina? This is not a rational issue; it’s about a way of seeing. Since
both Edwina and Alec are artists, you may think of a way of seeing as a matter
of art. I would say it’s about love. Love makes your seeing and judgment different. Marriage as a way
of seeing helps you to interpret the “ifs” of your encounter not as a matter of
luck, but as a grace, a gift from God. You may even say that your path to
marriage is pre-destinated.
Marriage strengthens your capacity to endure
the “ifs” arising from frustrations in life. Be honest, marriage may make life difficult
because you have to look after another person and adjust yourself to a new life.
On the other hand, marriage reduces life’s difficulties because you have a
soulmate. Soulmates are not about being the same. Soulmates are not found, but
made. They’re not made through sharing the bill (electricity), going on holiday together and
living together. Rather soulmates are made through trustworthiness, so that both
of you can put yourself in each other’s shoes, take each other’s hand
whole-heartedly, share your joys and tears, and accept each other’s brightness
and darkness. In the wedding vow you make, you accept the commitment to
trustworthiness.
Finally, marriage empowers you to explore
the richness of “ifs” in life with courage and confidence. Before knowing
Edwina, Alec didn’t understand Hong Kong and Taiwan very well. I have to say
that Alec’s Cantonese has improved a lot. You will pick up Mandarin soon. Likewise,
before knowing Alec, Edwina didn’t understand the significance of a sneakers’
collection to a man. Both Edwina and Alec introduce each other to the unknown-ness.
It’s fun to explore the depths of each other’s thinking and each other’s world
view, but at the same time, you build up team spirit. Now you are ready to
start a new adventure, to explore the richness of “ifs” ahead of you. Keep
curiosity alive. Safe journey and enjoy.
No matter what the frustrated "ifs" or the amazing "ifs" you may experience in the coming days, we are always here to listen, share and support. You have all our blessings. God bless.
